King Owther and the Knights of the Brown Table. (Contains pictures.)

Once upon a time, there was a king named Oother Paindragon. He was not a nice king, but nice kings don't tend to stay kings long. By way of magical convolutions and dastardly plots, he had the Duke of Cornhole killed and seduced the Duchess of Cornhole, whose name was Migraine.

Migraine gave birth to a son, Owther, but he had to be taken away and hidden because something about all this was shameful or something. He was raised by a man named Sir Icktor. Owther thought Icktor was his father for a long time, until Owther pulled a dwarf from a prawn and became eng of all Kingland.

King Owther married a princess named Gotnoears, who had lost her aural organs in a freak gardening accident. She was one of the most beautiful women in the land, despite being deaf as a post.

After Owther got married, he decided he'd rather spend more time with men instead, so he formed an order called Knights of the Brown Table. They sat at a...brown...table. They also went on many adventures.

One of the most famous knights was Sir Godwin, famed for his ability to link anything whatsoever to Nazis, and vice-versa. One day, he met the Green Goblin, and Godwin said, "Dost thou know who else likethed green? Hitler! FOR HE WAS A VEGETARIAN!" Then he cut off the Green Goblin's head.

The absolute most famous knight was Sir Limpsalot, who won all the jousts and melées even though he had a bum leg. He had an affair with Gotnoears for years but Owther never actually noticed.

Limpsalot also had an affair with a girl named Eelaine, who was half-eel and known as the Lady of Shallots. He mistook her for Gotnoears, probably because eels also do not have ears. Eelaine had Limpsalot's son and called him Gillahead, because he was part eel (but he was only one-quarter eel so he looked entirely human).

When Gillahead was grown up, he joined the Knights of the Brown Table. King Owther sent them on a quest to find the Sangria (also known as the Holy Ale). Most of the knights searched far and wide, but Sir Gillahead knew it was sold at the corner store, so he took Sir Boring and Sir Calipers with him and they found the Sangria.

Owther had an affair with his half-sister Moregauze, maybe because he didn't know she was related to him or maybe because he was into that.

They had a abomination mermaid ninja son named Mordred. They called him Morty, because Mordred is a terrible name. He was a twerp. Owther tried to teach him how to be King, but Morty would always screw it up and Owther would say, "Morty, you'll be the death of me!"

THE END

P.S. All of these people lived in or visited Camelot at some point or another. Camelot, fortunately or unfortunately, had nothing to do with camels.

P.P.S. Also, Oother and Owther had a wizard that helped them accomplish a lot. His name was Berlin. After the arrival of Sir Godwin, you can probably guess what happened to him.

I'm getting terrible at this.

I have a crazy-ass schedule and it's not getting better. I work from 8am-4pm every Monday-Thursday, then I'm in class until either 6:15 or 7:45, depending on the day. Then on Tuesdays, I have an hour speaking session with a Chinese tutor. Plus I have to take Chinese quizzes at some point. Ugh. Crazy semester is crazy.

That said, I DO plan a big update this weekend. It will even have (terribly-drawn) pictures. It is entitled...

(DRUMROLL PLOX)

"King Owther and the Knights of the Brown Table"

Stay tuned!